Sometimes it is not so much what you need to be doing, but what you need to stop doing that can lead to a happy life.

Here are a few things to consider…not doing!

Pleasing:  All of us want to be loved, needed, and valued. But sometimes we can be so afraid of being rejected that we make ourselves needed. If they need us, they won’t leave us. But trying to please people to make ourselves happy and fulfilled, ultimately leads to disappointment and frustration.  Happiness comes when we thoughtfully decide what we do and do not want to do. Then giving comes from a place of joy, with no expectation of return, no frustration in our efforts going unappreciated, no feelings of being a doormat.

Let Your “No” be Heard: Some people find it hard to say no. They may have mental chatter that says things like, “You should!”, “You ought to!” or “What will happen if you don’t?” At times it may feel easier to say yes, than to deal with the fallout of saying no.  But saying yes to things you know you don’t want to do is like giving a piece of your life away that you’ll never get back. You’ll get caught in the rut of spending all your energy coping with what life throws your way, and none of your energy will get focused on helping you build the life you want for yourself.

Happiness comes only when you learn that saying “no” is about loving others as much as loving yourself.   A reluctance or inability to say no is often accompanied by a reluctance to communicate difficult emotions and feelings.  It is easy to avoid communicating fear, needs, frustration or anger. Thinking things like; “I should, ought to, need to” can make you try to bury these emotions, but these emotions are there to help you make better choices and find your own direction. You need to listen to these emotions and allow them to guide you into decisions and behaviors that help you create the life you want to live.

Busy for the Sake of Being Busy: It’s a myth that being busy or having a packed schedule is equivalent to being a person of importance. Gaining self-value and worth solely on the basis of being busy is a dangerous and self-sabotaging behavior that leads to a disconnect from your passion, purpose, and true fulfillment. Slow down, breathe, and take the time to savor all the small moments that make up your life.